room for contradiction

sodomizing thrusts

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:52:51 GMT

oh. hey there, sorry for the subject. didn't think anyone was reading. actually, is anyone?

somehow livejournal feels like a LOT better outlet for me than say...myspace, facebook, twitter and mtv's true life. i think instead of updating everybody with what im currently doing, i'd rather talk about my feelings. yea, my feelings.

so this overriding optimism that pervades my life, it may be just as bad as pessimism guiding my thoughts. breaking down piece by piece, my constant hope that there will be something better is turning into a bitter vision. no chance for happiness. i feel battered. all signs seem to suggest complete destruction. the only thing so agonizing is how slow it's moving.

the real hope in all of this is the chance to be around and pick up the pieces. wouldn't it be easier to start from scratch? the mountains of baggage that weigh down on me are inescapable. anywhere i go, i cannot go back.

still alive!

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 04:43:36 GMT

ummm fuck, so im in my own place now with my very own girlfriend laying in bed next to me snoozing away for work tomorrow while im on unemployment but not worried about it because i dont fucking care about work anymore. besides, unemployment will last until september and it takes care of all the bills, and who said i couldnt go back to pimpin some hos and slangin some rocks to get some food to eat and take my girl somewhere nice? she just took this past week off to hang out with me. seriously it felt so good to actually spend some continuous time with one another on the same sleep schedule. the past five months have been a fair bit of hell in that way. saw superman returns on wednesday, the day it came out i think. no imax, that was all sold out in the morning. this was a shame after seeing how good movies look on imax with v for vendetta. anyways it was still fairly good. nancy hated it. but i think she liked aeon flux more than me, which is weird. i was disappointed is all, wanting more from the cartoon series. i dont know what to say in this thing anymore. jeje. i miss it though. and irc. im a sagittarius, always young at heart. i like eating sushi all the time. i occupy myself with air drums and contemplating the end of the world. laundry is always dangerous and computers are never reliable. i think thats why everyone is going crazy. people may break a promise but they wont corrupt all your music files in a transfer between hard drives because write cacheing was enabled. what os are people using now? xp? is vista out? i have no clue.

its possible

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 09:25:03 GMT

my new years resolution is to not view my poo before flushing. but it makes me wonder why people always make resolutions they cant keep. i dont want to think about what id be missing anyways. i mean id rather know what im missing by looking at it. my poo. im gonna look at it.

rotar

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 02:39:33 GMT

LIVING INSIDE THE CONFINES OF EVERYTHING YOURE CONNECTED TO.

WEEEEE!!

grab a handful

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 17:31:44 GMT

first off, i love hot slut stories. even better is hearing them through a hot girl. this is what i thought the case would be with my girlfriend working with like five or six other girls at her job. well, i would beg and plead for her to give me just one juicy morsel of gossip to roll around in my head, but, no dice. either they have a boyfriend or theyre married or they just dont know how to sleep around. this all changed last night as one of her coworkers, sivan, got laid! and with a boy that works just down the hallway at the cafe. through my girlfriend, i get to hear all the sweet, sweet details. its like, whuddup sex in the city.

i picked nancy up from work and ended up giving said hot slut and her hot slut friend (ie. coworkers) a ride to the train. they were all a giggly mess from drinking all day...ON THE JOB. it was pretty funny how they called my van the "boom shikka boom shikka" van like some porn music would come on when i opened the door and called them in. we dropped them off and we were on the way to my surprise dinner, at americas first pizzeria. we got to skip the fifteen minute wait but we had to ration off a chocolate bar in nancys purse during the half hour wait for pizza! it was damn good. we rushed over to sunshine after that to catch the 9:30 mirrormask and we made it at 9:29, but haha, the joke was on us! movie times were changed for the weekend and the next show was at 10:10. i feel bad but i dozed off maybe five times during the movie. not the movies fault, it was spectacular. and it kinda fit in with my sleep because the whole movie was done in dream logic and i would slip in and out and it was all so surreal. if i dont see it again, im definitely gonna buy it. maybe this is jim hensons comeback from the grave, who knows?

i slept over at nancys house, even though her parents forbid it now. im what, 23? =/ so we sneak me into her room, lock the door, and wake up with her dad at the door trying to get in. well her parents are strict and kinda have that asian "older generation" thing going on so i nearly shit my pants. somehow we managed a shower together, getting dressed, and getting me out of her house unscathed! some fucking tight ninja skills there. then there were like 20 people outside watching me run out of her house with wet hair, holding clothes, and trying to get the other shoe on. haha they must have thought we were having an affair or something.

THEN I ATE SOME TASTY MCDONALDS BREAKFAST AND READ COMIC BOOKS

now i have to go to work =(

by the way, isnt it true that driving is the best music video you can have?

NEAT

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 18:37:07 GMT

"From the intravenous injection site, drug-rich blood returns to the heart. The heart pumps this blood thourgh the lungs; from there it reenters the heart and then makes its way out to the rest of the body, including the brain. The time for this entire process, what physiologists call "arm-to-tongue time," is usually about 16 seconds."

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 02:49:35 GMT

sometimes i can still feel the first time hippies dropped acid in the 60s and the peace movement and tripping in the parks and free love and smoky rooms and bean bags and knowing that it all meant something more than anyone wanted to let on and it was all burning along like the incense everyone burnt up.

watch me, now and here, become a GIANT ASSHOLE!

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 23:55:10 GMT

it is my constitutional right to be a racist. im sick of pc freaks. i hope all of you die, and more than that, i hope you beget racist children who destroy themselves in race wars!

my cock is an artifact of the heavens. it was sculpted by the hands of god himself into the magnificent, awe-inspiring monolith it is. it stands as the headstone to the mass grave of women slaughtered by its phallic cunning.

count your lucky stars, theyre INFINITE

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 15:11:26 GMT

i feel like burying myself in a mass of mediocrity today. like watching a captain planet marathon or reading three years worth of somebodys journal. secretly i want to finish reading watchmen, but the masochist in me says i shouldnt have it that good. also i want to pig out on some fast food, but again, the masochist.. i should sleep more, too, but since im getting up at 6:30am tomorrow and every day for the rest of my life, i might as well stick it out to go to bed early.

you know what IRKS me? all this shelter and housing provided to katrina victims. well what about all the other millions of homeless people? shouldnt there be some kind of first come first serve policy in place, so maybe the people who have been homeless for ten years get a place to stay before the just recently displaced homeless? yes, im sure those people didnt suffer any misfortune, they did it to themselves with their poor work ethic and lack of determination. so youre saying, "bitch! you were just complaining how the gubmint wasnt doing enough!" dont get me wrong, i know this is double sided, i think it just points out my gripe with society.. the contradictions that hide inside of it. how are my arguments never to conflict when theyre dealing with something that is inherently contradictory. like i want to eat the good stuff, but i dont want to be fat.. theres no winning see. so ill sit back with my cock out and pull out these complaints, as insightful as they may be, and no one will listen to me. im happy.

swingers was really good. i find it really strange how i only saw the parts where the guy with the ex girlfriend is on the phone with the answering machine up until now. i saw those two parts, but nothing in between. i dont know, im in love with vince vaughn, thats all i can say. mhmm check whose journal youre reading, its a guys. all of you are so money and you dont even know it. there was some really awesome sex last night, too. it makes me want to just lay out in the sun and evaporate. we did it in a dunkin donuts parking lot, once. it was filled with cars and people were coming and going constantly, making it a little nerve wracking but way exciting. haw! dunkin donuts...

i guess i should update

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 22:32:05 GMT

so ive been busy and it looks like im gonna stay busy.

new job driving a school bus which im liking so far. it pays pretty good and i get a lot of time to use how i see fit. for example, i have an hour and fifteen minutes between highschool kids and elementary school kids, so i can go to dunkin donuts or do errands or read, which is what i see myself doing mostly. but i think the next time one of you fucks decide to pull out in front of me last minute im NOT gonna drop the air brakes and save you the hassle of peeling your "big" suv off my front bumper. im driving your kids to school for christ sake.. gimme a break.

i got a new van.. i got through painting it matte black, and im going to get the windows done with limo tint next week. i want it to look like DEATH. its going to be the death star and if you get in the way of my tractor beam, death is what youll get! ..i think i just mixed star wars/trek references...oh well. i covered up all the writing with paint and removed all the shiny emblems, leaving nothing left to identify its presence but the vortex in your vision. muahahaha! oh yea it will make a nice lil love shack with the back seat pulled out. where do you find those 'dont come a knockin if the vans a rockin' stickers? only serious replies, please.

sunday were going to check out the midieval festival. i for one wonder how it will be different from ren faire. a whole day consisting of jousting and roasted meats, and its already purely awesome, but throw archery, sword fights, magic and wenches into the mix and this is a concoction...heh heh i said cock. I CANT WAIT.

umm maria full of grace isnt so good. i gave it three stars on netflix. it was like the whole movie was done with water colors instead of the vibrant sloppy thick paint it needed. not to take away from water colors, its just something vapid cant do.. convey shitting out 62 tubes of heroin and then seeing blood smeared all over the bathroom after some thugs slice your friend open for the drugs.

ok. time to go away now.

it took a big black bald man to make me feel the rhythm

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 18:31:54 GMT

went to see esthero last night. the first thing i have to mention is that esthero is not actually pronounced "ess tha row" but as "ess tear oh", the first negative of the night. she only played like three songs from breath from another, and the other 50,000 songs were from the new album. suckage. although, the songs i did wanna hear were really really awesome to hear live. but then the dumb bitch kept teasing us by singing itty bitty parts of old songs just in the middle of talking or in between songs. thats what got to me! then the cocktease would never make good on it! and there was a guy there with a fucking VINYL copy of breath from another.. imagine HIS disappointment! but she was hot, and she was funny, so i dont hate her. its just hard for me to understand why you would totally abandon such a good thing, be it seven years old. she was kickin that whole gangsta bitch thing a lil too much, also. she was saying something about how all girls want a lil "thug" in their men sometimes. blah. i have no interest in the new album at all. im just disappointed is all. but uh, yea! im back from the old country, and i dont think im gonna say anymore about it! (maybe i post some pics?)

ps prince paul was in the house! he kinda just slipped in and kept us entertained in between sets, mixing up some old ass hip hop classics. like the man behind de la soul, making us dance in public to house of pain and onyx and ll cool j.. o the humanity.

wow

Tue, 24 May 2005 03:26:31 GMT

photoshop healing tool is pretty awesome. i could go in there blindfolded and it would turn out great. im pretty sure it uses black magic.

when they complete that technology, i wouldnt doubt this would be the outcome if they scanned me.

lesser

Mon, 23 May 2005 10:18:43 GMT

i think its mostly that i dont care about people. you know? *shrug* i sorta like the feeling, even though it leaves me feeling vulnerable. its very possible i ignore responsibilites *thinking* i dont care when i do but by the time its too late, its too late. and how bad does that suck? it might not be so bad to live out my days in a mental institution where i can go crazy every day and its ok and theres a line of nurses there ready to take care of me and treat me unconditionally. then i wonder if im already crazy and i already have a nurse and she treats me unconditionally and thats love. shes always there to pull me down from the walls and untangle me from the piles of tinsel i get myself into and discharge all the static buildup. thats love right there, buddy. she comes down like the noel angel to be the balm, the comfort tonic to my dizzy swimming head. its easy to float back up to the top of the tree, an angel and her star.. what a likely pair!

zeetleblarf

Sat, 21 May 2005 05:43:49 GMT

this is a trick just as much as this is.

insight

Thu, 19 May 2005 06:36:19 GMT

"Immense volumes have been written to expound our knowledge, and conceal our ignorance, of primitive man...primitive cultures were not necessarily the ancestors of our own; for all we know they may be the degenerate remnants of higher cultures..."

- historian will durant

Thu, 19 May 2005 05:31:45 GMT

whatever i say, so small

choking chicks and sodomy

Sun, 08 May 2005 23:50:08 GMT

its NEVER ok to tuck your tshirt into your blue jeans. it reeks of lower middle class reasoning in conflict with outdated etiquette. its really pathetic.

im going to BUILT TO SPILL on wednesday. can you comprehend what that means?!!?!? pick up a clue and listen to the album "keep it like a secret." they are the zenith of 90's indie rock, the modest mouse you HAVENT heard about. ok.. some people might call that going to far, but theyre gay. another thing to keep in mind is this will be their first tour since 2001, when many people thought there would be NO more tours. its really important you go.

i have a picture on hotornot that id like to find. i think it was drull who added it. i would NOT put my picture on horornot but i am interested in what my rating would be after two years.

i did flower deliveries again for mothers day weekend. 59 happy mothers later and $260 richer. people were really shitty with tipping this year. i got in two days maybe what i would normally get in one, and thats only because someone gave me $5. what does this mean? ALWAYS tip people that are doing some kind of delivery or service, especially flower delivery. well, you still dont have to tip the mexicans doing yardwork (sorry blake).

i like the new dredg, system of a down, queens of the stone age, and in pieces. not so good are the new limp bizkit, weezer, or nine inch nails (sorry nancy). team sleep im not decided on yet.

i love my girlfriend jeje

suck like fuck

Thu, 05 May 2005 08:36:19 GMT

pretty disappointing

if we were to reduce the united states to a single person in this article and call him "bob", i would say bob is being an asshole. if we made iran "jim", id say jim is being more than reasonable. whadda you think?

its, yet again, the end of an era

Tue, 03 May 2005 00:46:14 GMT

i dunno what i mean by that. just that feeling you get in a split second to feel you were apart of something and to see it all fall apart in that same second. happens all the time. but the hands are hungry, they are reaching up through manholes and gutters ready to pull everything in and turn it all inside out. this i can tell. i am a barometer for social tension i am.

netflix is awesome. dunno if i could even think of a downside, except that they send the dvds in paper envelopes instead of the original casing. easily ignored though. im sure there is a netflix sucks site out there, but i dont care. we get the mail through a mailslot and my dog gets big fun out of trying to attack the mailman when hes trying to push the mail through. he chomps down on the mail and wrestles with it, and half the time pushes the mail back out the other end. sometimes i hear the mail fall on the ground and then sometimes i hear the mailman cursing. every day. my dog just freaks the hell out, hes already up by the door waiting with a gleam in his eye when he hears footsteps nearing the door. i think its the greatest joy in his life. i almost feel bad that were going to put a box up so he doesnt ruin any more mail.

on sunday, i picked my lady up from work, on time i might add! if i could, i would reference her journal for the very first entry when i was supposed to pick her up. i was late, and she asks "what kind of losers do i go out with?" well, you could call me an on time loser now. so we crept and crawled through lower manhattan, waiting for the sun to go down. we made it to rice to riches, a parlor for rice pudding. 21 flavors if you have the stomach. i finished my rum raisan and nancy made it through halfway of her rocky road. it was good, but i think i will stick to plain rice pudding with whip cream from the diner. the bastards make you throw out tupperware! they wont take it back to wash it or nothing! we asked if it was biodegradable and the girl said most people take the containers home. then i stole my nancys virginity, well, lasagna virginity. i said that must be impossible and demanded she paid for a lasagna dinner for the two of us at once. we ate outside, which is when it started to get cold and when i started to regret wearing short sleeves. i think we also came to the conclusion that audrey hepburn is better than marilyn monroe, and that whoever the girl is that plays amelie is audrey hepburn reincarnated, to a degree at least. then we went home and laid on the floor until i had to go home. saturday was booty call night and i think im alright with that.

take this for what you will, we drove by it without an answer.

everybody leave the room, i have to poop

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 23:14:08 GMT

YESSSS!!!! i got the new family guy episode. i will now commence watching. this is a good day.

palmade issues victory!

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 08:16:00 GMT

i couldnt believe it myself.

hmmm.. if i didnt know better, that peach looks like another wet, fleshy fruit i eat. round here we call it the georgia pussy.

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 07:26:52 GMT

and then i fell in love with everything again.

well

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 06:36:27 GMT

i cant load pictures anymore, the server wont let me log in. the guy let me freeload on his site for at least 5 years without paying one penny. i guess he must have cleaned out the user list. hes from canada but he moved there from the phillipines. when we met, i hooked him up with warez and he let me use his site with no disk or bandwidth limitation. plus i could bnc to irc, which to me, was a very profitable thing at the time. i think i uploaded a couple of pornos, a couple of albums, and microsoft office and for that, i got 5 years of free service. i say thats a good deal. i tell you all this in lieu of the picture post i planned to subject all of you. also, i am going to europe. for a long time. i already have the tickets.. we leave june 5th. hot diggity.

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 03:38:00 GMT

i was gonna post, now i dont feel like it anymore.

actually

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 07:57:42 GMT

pink floyd ended communism.